Look how far they've come & New Years Reflections

Yes, this is a picture of the boys as day 3 embryos. You can do that when you conceive your babies through IVF. This is their "first" baby picture. Aren't they cute? haha.. I was just looking through some pictures, trying to find some shots of me with a haircut that I liked (more on that later) and came across this printout from the microscope right before these embryos were transferred to my womb, where they would implant and grow into our babies. It's crazy to think we have come so far.

When I look back, I don't look this far back much anymore. I think about the weeks the boys spent in the intensive care unit, and how crazy that was. I think about the delivery, so unexpected 6 weeks early. I try to remember my pregnancy, what it felt like to feel them moving inside of me. But it has been a very long time since I sat down and thought about the process it took us to get pregnant. The shots, ovaries the size of grapefruits, egg retrieval, embryo transfer, then the waiting. I remember, the day that we did the embryo transfer, the one that was successful, was the day that Timo and I went and saw Spamalot afterwards. We had bought tickets way in advance and spent a lot of money on them, and were so afraid that we wouldn't be able to go because of the IVF schedule. We ended up getting to go, and had a great time. I think of all the fun things we did - the trip to Atlanta just days after getting the positive pregnancy test result - buying a stuffed animal "present" for the baby, then buying another one because "well, what if we're having twins, hahaha" and then, the ultrasound at 7 weeks, seeing a second little sac pop into view. Wow, that was surreal.

And here we are now, the boys will be 14 months old in another week. Ray is walking without any difficulty - he is so expressive, his facial expressions are varied (and often scowling) - he really lets you know what he is thinking and how he's feeling through his facial expressions. Dario is always giggling at something - he just seems so genuinely excited to walk - he's taken maybe 5-6 steps at a time so far, and spends more time standing alone than ever before. Both boys are still very attached to nursing, it's funny when one of them has to wait, and he tries to climb all over the other one (and me) to interrupt and have his turn sooner.

What a journey it has been thus far, and we've still got a long way to go. I just hope that we are good parents, that we are able to be good role models for our kids, that we can figure out how to discipline effectively yet gently. I don't typically do the whole "New Years Resolutions" thing, but I think I really need to this year. And I understand these are things that I need to work on long term, it's not going to be the first time I mess up I say, oh well, better luck next time. I know I will mess up and I need to give myself some grace and try again.

1) No more swearing!
2) Have more patience.
3) Less sarcasm, more love in communication.

Please pray for me! I really want to make some changes this year, and I know I can't do it on my own. It seems like the above 3 things are all symptoms, but what is the root disease? My relationship with God is not strong - I need to spend time in prayer, reading the bible, meditating on His word, talking to Him daily. Timo and I need to start doing family devotions, and figuring out ways to introduce Him to our children, yes at this early age. The most we do together spiritually is to pray at meals, attend church on Sunday, and bible study on Wednesday nights. It's not enough!

Please pray for us, pray for Timo that he would feel confident to take the spiritual leadership of this family in 2008. Pray for me that I would humbly let him lead me.

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Oh, and about the hair. I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow at 2pm. It's gotten pretty long again, down at least to the level of my bra strap. I'm thinking I'm going to go pretty short again, but it depends on what the stylist (someone I trust) has to say. I have been getting a lot of short little hairs around my hairline, lots and lots, and it makes me think my hair has been breaking off. Some folks I have talked to said maybe it is new hair growing in. I don't know which it is, but if it is breaking off because my hair is too long and I pull it back too much, putting stress on my hair, I'm definitely going to cut it shorter. If not, then I still might cut it shorter. I'll post pictures of the new "do" soon.

Birthday Party Pictures

I was just looking over some old posts and realized I'd never posted pictures from the boys' birthday party. Here's a few:

5 Days until Christmas

I feel pretty prepared - all the presents are purchased and wrapped, we haven't gotten all of our Christmas cards out yet, but they'll be out by Saturday, so may be a day or two late. We're waiting on some photos of the boys to be printed, which will be ready on Saturday. I guess all I have left to do is some grocery shopping. I'm responsible for green bean casserole & pumpkin pies for Christas eve and for another dessert for Christmas day. We'll be spending Christmas eve - evening with Timo's family, and Christmas morning with my family, then Christmas evening with some good friends who are family to us.

The boys are doing great - Raymond is walking all over the place. Yesterday, for the first time, he figured out how to clap his hands! He was so excited to learn this skill. Dario has been clapping his hands since about 6 months old. Dario has been trying to walk, but he is still working on his balance. He has taken up to 3-4 steps max so far before falling over happily. Dario has been such a happy little dude lately. His face just lights up all the time, and those dimples of his are just so cute. I think Raymond is getting ready for his upper teeth to come in. He has been a bit cranky lately, and he has big swollen lumps on his upper gums. It was really hard on Dario when he got his first 2 upper teeth in, so we are just hoping and waiting for Ray's to come in soon.

We have made a solem vow to get to bed no later than 10:30pm tonight, and I still have yet to get some vital tasks done (ie. pumping). Yes, after 13 months I am still nursing our boys. I'm not sure when we will wean, but definitely by the time they turn 2. They are down to just 5 nursings a day, once before each meal, and before their morning and afternoon naps. We haven't nursed before bed since October, and they rarely nurse in the middle of the night. Ray has been waking up around 4am lately, and I have nursed him then, but often they sleep all the way through from 7pm until 6am or later. Well, they likely wake up, but they just talk to themselves a little bit, or look around their room, roll over, and go back to sleep. Part of me can't believe we waited so long to really do CIO but we did try when they were younger, about 3 weeks before we moved home from Boston. It was just too hard with all the transitions going on, moving from Boston, then living in the trailer at Timo's family's house, and moving into our apartment in September.

Anyway, sorry it's been so long since my last post, and I'll try to get some pictures or video up soon!

When an Infant becomes a Toddler...

The day after Thanksgiving, devoted Grandma K was here, and Timo was home after working a half-day. Ray has been standing on his own for a few weeks now, and with a little encouragement from Grandma, he took his first steps! Wow! We were all so excited, and I was so happy that both Timo and mom got to share in the special event. Now, a week and a half later, he is walking quite a bit - cruising a little, then letting go to walk a few feet, holding onto something again. Yesterday I counted him take 17 consecutive steps in a row! Granted, he only walked about 6 feet total, but that was great to see!

Always about a week or two behind Ray in the gross motor skills department, Dario took his first couple steps last night! He positioned himself in his bedroom with his back against the door, then took a couple steps toward me before launching himself head first into my arms! I think Dario still has some work to do in the balancing department, but I think he sees Ray doing it and all the praise he is getting, and that encourages him to do the same. I just can't believe how my babies are "growing up". I don't know when the official transition is between baby and toddler, but it feels like they are going to be going to kintergarten soon!

P.S. Timo and I turn 30 in 2 days..